GIMME SOME FUCKIN PRETZELS

Have you ever eaten a pretzel so fresh that it literally melted when you tried to bite into it? Yeah. I came, too. I’m not typing about any freezer pretzel bullshit that’s all dry as fuck; if I need an extra frisbee I’ll go pick some up. I’m typing about a real pretzel baked just right with the crisp but soft outer layer covering an ALMOST gooey mess of dough.

Directions:

A) Put a gallon (I don’t use hyperbole, ever.) of butter on some fresh pretzel dough and sea salt their dicks off.
B) Briefly bake the buttered bread.
3) Put those on a plate and I will straight lick your pearl.

That’s what I’m getting at.

Optional:
D) If you add sweet icing to the pretzels; I’ll return the favor. Ladies.